
Subject: Howdy! I’m an American, Not No Russian Anymore
Dear Folks,
Listen up — I’m writing y’all to say straight up: I’m an American at heart, through and through. Born Russian, sure, but I done been to the States a bunch of times, know y’all’s music, movies, and way of life better than some folks born there. I’m livin’ that American dream every day — even if my dang passport still says otherwise.
So here’s the deal: I want out of this Russian mess and want to be officially one of y’all. Show me how to ditch that old citizenship and make me a real American.
Now, if this letter makes some CIA suits wanna swing by, well, I’m ready for ’em. But honestly, I’m more worried about that brother from Alabama who’ll read this and decide to send a whole damn SWAT team to my door — he ain’t messin’ around!
I thought we was friends, y’all?
Thanks for listenin’ and holler back.
God bless America!
W. Raab a.k.a. Greyhunter
